Attack of the really great cookies!
by boo182
Summary: Evil cookies and random oneshots... PIE TASTES GOOD!
1. Attack of the Cookies

**Disclaimer: ...Ooh! Look! A Cookie!!**

**A/N: PRESENTING!! THE COOKIES AND LEMONS!! I am writing it is 3rd person because I am bored and can...**

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One day, Mike Newton was walking along. Dooh Dee Dooh. When out of nowhere, OUT DROPPED A MAGICAL LEMON!! Of course, Mike Newton was curious as to what the strange phenomenon in front of him was, although I have already mentioned it was a lemon...

-two hours later-

"IT MUST BE A SIGN! LIFE HAS GIVEN ME A LEMON! I MUST ALTER ITS DNA TO MAKE A SUPER LEMON!" Mike said, finally realizing it was a lemon.

"You Dumbass! Somebody has already altered my DNA! I was wondering of you would join my super army, since you are the one and only great leader of the lemons! It is urgent! We are going to war in just two hours, since it took you so long to notice I was a lemon, even though the author mentioned it!," The lemon had a very deep, manly voice. Mike was very surprised, he backed away very slowly, BUT NO WORRIES MY FRIENDS!! The story's not over yet! The lemon tackled Mike Newton and started bitch-slapping him, even though it had no hands, feet, legs or arms to bitch-slap him with and the changes of knocking poor Mike down, being just a lemon and all, are very slim, but it happened.

"Oh Noeys! I have been bitch-slapp-ed! I shall join your army because you are almighty like Bruce and Evan! Just one question though, are you a girl or a guy?" The lemon, seeming very offended, un-tackled Mike Newton and put it hands on it's hips, which it seemed to have just recently sprouted. A very manly action indeed...

"Of course I'm a girl! WTF? For The Great leader of the Lemons, you're not that smart!" The lemon responded, still talking in a very deep manly voice. Mike, being rather freaked out, just noticing that it was a DNA altered talking super lemon that was standing there, talking to him, stood there with wide eyes, and finally, an idea came to him!

"I know!" exclaimed Mike as he snapped his fingers. "I could sell you for money! I'm sure your existence would benefit science! Then I would be rich!" Mike, obviously quite happy with himself, stood there, quite happy with himself, grinning from ear to ear. This, however, earned poor, poor Mike Newton getting bit on the toe by a lemon.

"Oweys!" screamed Mike. "Lemons hurt!"

"I know! They are disgusting, if your talking about a fanfiction, that is." The author --cough cough- me -cough cough- appeared out of nowhere to teach a very important lesson. "I did? Oh yeah, I did! Ummmm...Errrr... NEVER READ LEMON FANFICTIONS!" And with that, the author -cough cough- me -cough cough- disappeared and the lemon with the altered DNA and MIke NEwton stood there looking at each other strangely. Then she came back and zapped them with her magical stick thingy and they forgot all about her and continued on with whatever they happened to be saying at the time.

"Fear us! Now, come with me. We need to get you suited up-" Mike looked confused to the apparently girl lemon stopped mid sentence to ask him what she had said, still talking in a very manly voice.

"Well, nobody ever told me the meaning of the word up. I don't know what it means..." This comment got him a very long stare from the lemon, who abruptly just continued her sentence, ignoring all the faces Mike made in confusion.

"-for war. Any questions?" Mike, again, seemed confused by the lemon. So, of course, he spoke up like the stupid person he is. Tsk tsk tsk. You think he would have learned by now...

"I already mentioned that we are going into war dumbass!! Now come with me and we shall preparer you for war!!" Mike, still being confused and naive, asked another question.

"Who are we fighting in war?" This time the lemon got irritated and poked him in the eye. Mike asked no more questions and the lemon took him to the super duper place where all of the army stuff was and since Jacob was going into war with lemons, the lemons had to make him an army suit speedy quick.

"What kind of weapon would you like? Milk or ice cream? I suggest the milk, it is funnier to watch the cookies die like that..." One random lemon that was named Mr. Elephanté had said to Jacob. But Mike was confused, of course...

"Um... Sure..." Was all he could manage for his response... Then, out of nowhere THE COOKIE ATTACKED!! They kidnapped poor Mike Newton, for he was not ready... They took him back to their castle, where they kept him prisoner...

**-two years later-**

"Do you think it is safe to open up the prison chamber now sir"

"Yes, general cookie, I do believe the evil scumbag boy is dead now..."

And with that, Mike Newton had died... Poor him never knew is was actually a plot between the cookies and lemons to kill him...

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Okay, that was the first chapter, I will also be adding more oneshots to this, since that was a oneshot and I think it would be amusing to add more oneshost that have nothing to do with this thingy...


	2. The Ultimate Confusion of Third person

**Disclaimer: Oh shit, I forgot my rant in my other pants...**

**Okay, so yeah, this story is full of utter stupidity. Anyhoo, YAY!! **

**THE ULTIMATE CONFUSION OF, DUH DUH DUH!! THIRD PERSON!!**

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POV of the confusing third person

Rosalie is pissed. Wanna know why? Probably not, But Rosalie is going to tell you anyway. Rosalie doesn't really know why she's pissed so she's gonna be a happy happy dagger. Rosalie is jealous of Rosalie for being a happy happy dagger. Roslie has decided to kill Rosalie. Rosalie is driving Rosalie into the sun. Rosalie screamed OOOWWWWWW!! IT BUUUUUURNS!! Then blew up. Then mean Rosalie started laughing at happy happy dagger Rosalie for blowing up. Then mean Rosalie noticed she was also a vampire and therefore, also must blow up, so she did, and that was the end of rosalie, the crazy lunatic vampire with split personalities. Emmett was sad and lonely. Then Boo showed up and was all like "Don't worry Emmett I shall take the place of Rosalie for you!". The Emmett was all like "Yeah! I'm a happy happy dagger! Yeah!"And Boo and Emmett started making out until the sun blew Boo up ('cause she's a vampire and all) and thenn Emmett got all dpressed and emo and shit and was all like "I better go to Italy to pull an Edward". And so he did. Then Jasper was all like " Wait for me Emmett! I'm your bestest friend!" Then since Jasper was going to Italy to pull and Edward (AKA: Ask the Vollturri to kill him) Lace and alice followed him cause Jasper is a sex addict and has two girlfriends that he somehow mysteriously made somehow fall in love with him. He needs therapy...

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Wow, that was gay. YET FUNNY!! It's extemly short. YET FUNNY!!

**Yeah, I know that I placed myself in for Rosalie (which would never happen) and I know I said I am a vampire (which I am not) But ya know, just let me fantasize.**

**KOING CHOW!! THE SCARY WEIRD JAPPANESE PERSONS COMMANDS YOU TO REVIEW!! (And no, I am not Jappanese)**


	3. The Name Game

**Disclaimer: Shit! I forgot to get the dang rant out of my other pants again!! I really hope it didn't go through the washer yet. The ink'll be all smudged...**

**Okay, yes, this is the chapter where Emmett like bigs butts (random and somewhat disturbing) It shouldn't be that horribly discusting, I promise!! It is funny and he is only singing a song so it will be OK!! If not, you should send me horrible flames, or just flame me cause your bored and can't think of anything else to do, I don't really mind. Just makes sure I know you were bored or I shall find ways to make you sad, cause I am bored. **

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The name game!

**It's written like a play...**

Tick Tock Tick Tock. Coo Coo! Coo Coo!

Rosalie: OH NO! THE WORLD IS ENDING!!

Boo: Calm down Rose. It's just the Coo Coo clock alice bought. geezums.

Alice: ROSE ROSE ROSALIE HALE!!

Lace: No Alice, you are Alice, not Rosalie

Rosalie (to Lace): NO I'M ALICE ALICE!! DON'T TELL ROSALIE SHE IS ALICE ALCIE 'CAUSE I'M ALICE!!

Boo & Lace: ??

Jasper (to Boo while swinging on a vine like Tarzan): DON'T WORRY ALICE! I SHALL SAVE YOU!!

Boo: Okay then...

Lace: NO! MY JASPER HAS LEFT ME!

Emmett (to Lace): Whattya talkin' 'bout Esme? I'm right here! Sheesh. LOVE YA HONEY!!

Boo & Lace: What the Hell?!

Rosalie: OH MY BOO! MY BUTT HAS JUST FALLEN OFF!!

Jasper (to Rosalie): What did you want Harold?

Emmett: I like big... BUTTS AND I CANOT NOT LIE! YOUR OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY!! WHEN A GIRL WALKS IN WITH A

ITTY BITTY WAUST, you... get... SPRUNG!!

Boo & Lace: Damn! The Cullens are crazy!!

Edward: OOPS I DID IT AGAIN! i PLAYED WITH YOUR HEART! GOT LOST IN THE GAME!!

Rosalie (to Boo): Come Superman. WE MUST SAVE THE WROLD!!

Alice: I am Jack and the Beanstalk!!

Emmett: Oh no you Di-int...

Boo (being all vampireish): No!! The love of my life is a chick!

Lace: Existance.

Boo: No!! The love of my Existance is a chick!

Lace: Much better.

Jasper (Picks nose and eats it): Yum!

Lace: WAAAAAAAHHH! JAZZYPER'S ICKY!!

Jasper (to Boo): Yum! Come Lace!!

Boo: What the Hell?! Why can i get Jasper but not Emm-

-Lace tackles Boo and starts bitch-slapping her-

Lace (to Boo): Jasper is mine Bitch!!

Rosalie (out of nowhere): WHAY CANT WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?!

Emmett: Because i said so. I like big BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE!!

-Lace stops punching Boo-

Bella: TICKLE ME ELMO!!

Alice: ELLO MATES! MY NAME IS BELLA!

Rosalie (to Alice): NO I'M ALICE BITCH! WHY YALL KEPP STEELIN MY NAME YALL?! DIE BITCH!

Edward: Oopsies, I better run! I made Victoria mad!

Rosalie (chasing after Edwrad): GET BACK HERE VICTORIA! YOU MADE ME PISSED!

Emmett: Come Boo! We must get married!

Boo: Yay! My Emo Emmy Poo has finally realized our destiny is to be together!

Angela (who somehow magically appeared): No! He was talkin' to me bitch1 Get you fag ass away!

-Boo breaks out in tears-

Boo (still crying): Why Emo Emmy Poo! WHY?!

Lace (to Boo): It's okay Henrietta, we'll get through this together...

Ben (to Rosalie): I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME BELLA!!

Rosalie: Oh I do Stuart! I love you **SO** much!!

-Ben and Rosalie run towards eachother in some random flowery meadow with their arms held out, running to that slow wierd running song that makes me thin of cramping cause nobody could seriously run that long then start making out two hours later after they finally get to eachother-

Boo & lace; WHAT HAS GONE WRONG WITH OUR WORLD!!

-Boo takes lace and heself out of the fanfictin becaus she doesn'e like torturing herslef with Emmett avoiding her and feels bad that Jasper no longer loves Lace-

Rosalie & Alice: ha! That'll teach you to put yourselves in fanfictions just so you acn make out with our boyfriends!!

Jasper & Emmett: WE ARE SORRY! THEY TOTURED US!! WE STILL LOVE YOU!!

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-chuckles- I like this one. You'd better review or i shall track you down and make you! I am warning you, I am and excelent stalker! along with Lace! In fact, she is a way better stalker than me (even though I'm pretty good) and will help me if i shall ask so yeah! I win! MUA HA HA HA HA!!


	4. Shop BOYZ!

**Disclaimer:...**

**This is the ultimate in short. Yeah, but who cares? I have really long chapters so what does it matter? Who, GANGSTA!! Just warning ya, the rest of my chapters shall be written in play format unless I say other wise. BANANAS!!**

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Shop BOYZ!!

Their coming to take me away

Ha Ha

Their coming to take me away

Ha Ha He He Ho Ho

TO THE FUNNY FARM!

Where live is beautiful ALL the time!

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BANAPHONE!!  
Boop-boop-a-doop-a-doop!

Jasper: YAY FOR BANANAS!!

Emmett: YAY FOR THE FUNNY FARM!!

Jasper: BANANA PHONE!!

Emmett: FUNNY FARM!!

Jasper: BANANAPHONE!!

Emmett: FUNNY FARM!!

Jasper: BANANAPHONE!!

Emmett: FUNNY FARM!!

Bella: SHUTUP!!

Emmett & Jasper: Sorry Bella...


	5. Banana Pants!

**Disclaimer (s suck): Yes. Yes they do...**

**A/N: I did not write this chapter, most of it anyways, Lace168 did and she gave me permission to post...**

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Banana Pants

Rosalie: Hey Bella

Alice: It's Edward moron!

Edward: No, IT'S E-DIZZIE!!

Boo: BOO!

Rosalie; Alice; Edward: OMFC!

Boo: Boo! My name is Boo! Boo! Just for the record.

Rosalie: Oh! Hello Bella!

Boo: BOO!

Rosalie: Holy Crappers! Quit scaring me!

Boo: Get my name right!

Rosalie: Fine Bella. God.

Jasper: OML!

Edward: What's that?

Jasper: Oh My Lace. Duh!

Alice: Why not OMA?

Jasper: Because I don't like you that way.

-Alice runs off to Volturra to pull and Edward-

Lace: Jasper!

Jasper: Lace!

Lace: Jasper!

Jasper: Lace!

Lace: Jasper!

Jasper: La-

Rosalie: SHUT-UP!

Boo: Where's Emmett?

Rosalie: Hands off bitch!

Boo: Bitch!

Rosalie: Bitch!

-Boo and Rosalie get into a bitch slapping fight that could last days so...-

Emmett: My humps! My humps! My lovely lady lumps!

Lace: Ho-ly shit!

Edward: I'M BRINGING SEXY BACK!

Jasper: Edward Cullen. Homosexual 17 year old.

Edward: -gasps- OFFENSIVE!

Lace: I've been thinking...

Edward: Bye!

-Edward runs off so he can avoid whatever Lace was about to say-

Lace: LET'S GO HUNT SHAMU!

Jasper: Yeah!

-Jasper and lace run off-

Bella: Hello? Edward? Anybody? I FELL LEFT OUT!!

-Bella gets pummeled by Rosalie and Boo who both hate her-

Rosalie: Bye Bella.

Boo: WOO HOO! THE WITCH IS DEAD!

-In Italy where Alice got distracted by a pretty porsche-

Alice: WEEEE!

-At Sea World-

Jasper: Yummy! Whale!

-Where Edward is now hiding under his bed-

Edward: Must. Hide. From. SCARY PEOPLE!

-Where Bella was searching for Edward-

Bella: OH EDDY-POO! LET'S NOT WAIT!

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I wish I wish I had a fish... No! Wait! A whale... Yum! Hey! Why'd Lace make me a lunatic?!

**Lace: Maybe 'cause you are one. Duh!**

**Boo: Oh Yeah!**

**Boo182 signing out!**


	6. The Almighty Monkey Lord

**Disclaimer: Yummy! I get to eat gum! Do you have gum? No, I don't think you do! Ha! Oh yeah. This is a disclaimer isn't it? Well, of course I didn't invent gum! Duh!**

**Okay, Lace and i wrote this chapter together. I was going to write it alone, bu then I wrote some, showed it to Lace in study hall, she wanted to write some, I let her, and liked it better then what I wrote. Then she started writing it more 'cause she wanted to gosh darn it until she got writer's block. The I finished it off. We both wrote about hallf and it was my idea completly so I so have rights to this chapter! Just clearing that up... Oh, and what I wrote is in italics and Lace's is in plain text.**

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The Alimighty Monkey Lord!

_-In the background, ther is flames and everything has been burnt to the ground-_

_Narrator: This all began because of one person. One. That's all it took. You gettin' my drift? ONE! ONE! THAT'S ALL!!_

_- The narrotor is taken away cause I (Aka: Boo) am a lunatic and was the narrator, but I did say one last thing 'cause I'm special like that-_

_Boo (while being dragged away by two big men in white): IT WAS... THE MONKY LORD!! Fear him!_

_-I am now gone-_

_Monkey Lord: That is right! You must fear me! MU HA! -starts coughing- HA HA -gets into a wild coughing fit- HA!!_

_Scene Change!_

_-At the Cullens', before the Monkey Lord came-_

_Rosalie: Hey! You stole my blood brownie! Give it back!_

_Alice (blows a raspberry at Rosalie): No! It's mine now! You can't have it! Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah!_

_Bella (now a newborn vampire): BLOOD?! WHO SAID BLOOD?! I WANT BLOOD! GIMME SOME BLOOOOOOOD!!_

_Edward: No my love. I am sorry, but during the newborn phaze, I am afraid that you cannot eat anything. Then you would be non-"vegitarian"ishness._

_Bella: KISS MY ASS YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH!_

Edward: I am beautiful, aren't I?

Rosalie: I sense... a disruption... in the world...

Emmett: That can only mean one thing...

Bella: Ooh! The Monkey Lord!

-round of applause-

-lightning cracks-

-Monkey Lord appears-

-All dumbfounded-

-Rosalie steals back blood brownie-

Alice: Hey!

Rosalie: I AM A KNIGHT WHO SAYS NI!!

Alice: Oh Noeys! Not Ni!

Rosalie: Ni Ni!

Alice: No!

Rosalie: Ni Ni!

Alice: Sto-

Monkey Lord: I AM STILL HERE!! Gosh!

-Lace suddenly appears with Jasper-

Lace: STALKERS OF THE MONKEY LORD! UNITE!

Jasper: Unite!

...

Lace: Boo? Hello? Boo?

Rosalie: She was taken to the Looney Farm.

Lace: Okay Then.

Bella: OK!

Edward: OK!

Jasper: Ni!

-All besides Lace and the Monkey Lord scream-

-Jasper looks up at sky-

Jasper: Well I'll be! Betcha there'd be a storm a comin' yonder!

Lace: 'Ell 'ats just shiky!

Bella: British!

Edward: Scottish!

Bella: British!

Edward: Scottish!

Rosalie: DUMBLEDORE!

Alice: Herrrmonie!

_Jasper: From my piont of view, I betcha Lace's speakin' Crocidile hunter language. I betcha._

Lace: Yup! I'm speakin' Crocidile hunter language!

Emmett: OMFC! I SEE A BIRDY! BYE! TTYL!

Rosalie: My, my.

Alice: SAVE THE BIRDS!

-Alice charges after Emmett with a bazooka cuz she's cool like that and can-

-Monkey Lord randomly walks away to cause terror-

_-Boo has been released from the looney farm and immeadiatly comes rushing back-_

_Boo: STAKLERS OF THE MONKEY LORD! UNITE!!_

Jasper: He just left.

_Boo:WHO CARES?! UNITE!!_

_Lace: Unite!_

_Jasper: Unite!_

_Emmett (who is back because Alice got hungry (because Rosalie stole back he blood brownie) and gave up on saving the birds so she could drink their blood) : Unite!_

_Jasper: Emmett. You are not part of the stalkers-of-the-monkey-lord group. You must go away._

_-Boo konks jasper on the head in defense of her love, Emmett-_

_-Lace punches Boo for hitting her love, Jasper-_

_-Boo ignores Lace-_

_-Lace gets pissed off-_

_-Boo still ignores Lace-_

_-Lace gets even more pissed off-_

_Jasper: Ow! What the Hell?!_

_Boo: Let Emmett join!_

_Jasper: Let me consult my love, Lace._

_Lace: No._

_-Boo konks Lace on the head-_

_Lace: Ow! Fine!_

_Emmett: Yay Boo! I love you! Yay!_

_Rosalie (finishing off blood brownie): Hey Emmett! I thought you loved me!_

_Alice (Just realizing what Jasper said about Lace): Yeah Jasper! What The Hell?!_

_Emmett & Jasper: Nah, we moved on cuz you guys are ugly._

_-Monkey Lord comes back while everyone is fighting because a) the stalkers-of-the-monkey-lord have united and b) because The Monkey Lord finds it amusing to watch people and/or vampiress fight-_

_-fighting stops abruptly-_

_Monkey Lord: Damn! NO MORE AMUSEMENT! Oh well. COME MY FOLLOWERS! We must Destroy the Cullens! Emmett, Boo'll teach you since your a new member and all._

_Emmett: Okay! Yay Boo!_

_-The Stalkers-of-the-monkey-lord destroy the rest of the cullens, except Esme and Carlisle, who were lucky cuz they weren't home..._


	7. The Worst Mixed Fic By Lace And Boo

**Okay, Lace and I both wrote this one tigether too. She has the same exact thing one her profile, cuz we can and all. The title is "The worst mixed fic by Lace and Boo". Neither one of us watch Naruto so sorry if anything is wrong. But it's only a little bit of that so it doesn't really matter.**

Lace's Disclaimer: _Neither of us own a thing. But the idea was mine, Lace's. Boo jut helped with the writing. Cours, you've probably already guessed that. I'm the smartish one around here. Well sorta. That's why I added an -ish though. It means I'm smartish but weird and random too and... Nevermind. _

**Boo's Disclaimer: Usually I would go on and on about how these things are piontless but today I dont feel like it so I will just shut up. And we apoligize for the one or two lines in which Murtagh and Arya are paired. sighs That particular pairing pisses me off and I shall no longer flame those who wite them because sometimes it is necessary. I again remind you it is only one or two lines. Also, there is a difference between Galbatorix and Galby. Galbatorix is all "Grrrr... I will kill you" and Galby is all like "Yay for unicorns and candy! Oo, lets watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!" BTW, What I wrote is n bold and Lace's in italics. O .o Whoaishness... Longishnes...ON WITH THE... ummmmmmmm... MAJIGGER!!**

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Naruto: Yo Sasuke!

_Sasuke: I hate you! I hate the world! Go away!_

_Naruto: But why?_

_Saskue: Because I am going to take over the world and don't want a fool in my way!_

_Naruto: But you're my best buddy!_

_Sasuke: Heck no!_

_Naruto: Fine..._

_-Naruto stalks away-_

_Sasuke: Finally. Now for my plan..._

_-Galbatorix rides up on a rainbow pony-_

_Galbatorix: Sasuke! Come take a ride with me! My pony is pretty and anyone seen riding it will be all popular!_

_Sasuke: Popular how? For instince, would I be famous enough to get world domination?_

_Galbatorix: ... Sure?_

_Saskue: Alrighty then._

_Galbatorix: Let's go get Aro, friend!_

_Sasuke: O .o_

_Galbatorix: Aro! Come take a ride with us. My pony is pretty and anyone seen riding it will be all popular!_

_Aro: Ha ha ha! Okay! Ha ha ha!_

_Sasuke (muttering): I will destroy you fools._

_Galbatorx: A friend is a friend to the end od the end! That's forever! BFF'S FOREVER!_

_Aro: HA HA HA! YEAH! HA HA HA!_

_Saskue (muttering): Is he on grugs or something?_

_Aro: Ha ha ha! Of course not! Ha ha ha!_

_-Sasuke rolls his eyes but shuts up.-_

_Galbatorix: Please call me Galby!_

_Aro: Ha ha ha! Alright! Ha ha ha!_

_Sasuke: ..._

_-Eragon skips by dragging Murtagh in a wheelbarrow all tied up-_

_Eragon: Ello brothers! Mind if we join you?_

_Galby: The more the marrier!_

_Aro: Ha ha ha! Yes! Ha ha ha!_

_Eragon: Great!_

_-Eragon unties Murtaghs mouth and pushes Sasuke into the wheelbarrow with him and sits by Aro-_

_Murtagh: This is hell._

_Sasuke: Don't I know it. I wonder who else they'll get._

_Murtagh: I bet you if it's up to Aro it'll be-_

_Aro: Ha ha ha! EDWARD! COME JOIN US! Ha ha ha!_

_-Edward's eyes widen but is pushed into the wheelbarrow with Murtagh and Sasuke-_

_Edward: Dang it._

_Saskue: Hey. I wonder where we're going._

_Murtagh: I wish I'd run when I had the chance._

_Edward: I know. When is this gonna be-_

_Jeb: LOOK FANG! IT'S MY BFF'S!_

_Fang: Dang..._

_-Fang is thrown in too-_

_Fang: Ouch. Vampires hurt._

_Edward: Sorry._

_Murtagh: I wonder when Arya will save me._

_Sasuke: Yeah. And Sakura is bound to notice me missing..._

_Edward: Oh crappers! Bella!_

_Fang: Gotta get to the Flock. Stupid Jeb._

_Murtagh: We need a plan..._

_Sasuke: This is what we will do..._

_Edward: Ready?_

_Rest: Ready._

_Murtagh: GO!_

_-They shot toothpaste right into the horses eyes-_

_Horse: Silly rabbit! Trix are for kids!_

_All: O .o_

_-They all back away slowly, except for Aro-_

_Aro: Ha ha ha! You jolly- Ha ha ha! Good- Ha ha ha! Mate! Ha ha ha!_

_Galby: Horses scare me horridly now._

_Sasuke: Does that mean we can go now?_

_Galby: Of course not! We're gonna go on a leprechaun search!_

_Edward: But I must be getting back to my Bella._

_Fang: The Flock will be worried._

_Murtagh: I have a date with Arya tonight..._

_Sasuke: Battle training._

_Galby: Well we're going to look for leprechauns so there!_

_Sasuke: I can't believe we're doing this._

_Murtagh: I know._

_Fang: This is bogus._

_Edward: Who says bogus?_

_Fang: I do, so there!_

_Edward (muttering): Whatever._

_Eragon: Look! (points) A rainbow. There'll be lepricons soon!_

_Murtagh: This is so gay. Eragon, THERE ARE NO LEPRICONS!_

_Eragon: You have hurt my feelings! GALBY!_

_Murtagh: Stupid Eragon._

_Eragon: Murty's being a spoil sport!_

_Galby: Whatever. We gotta find the leprechauns and will need their help._

_Eragon: But he's being mean!_

_Galby: I DON'T CARE!_

_-Eragon pouts-_

**Aro: Ha ha ha! Look- Ha ha ha! There goes one- Ha ha ha! now! Ha ha ha!**

**Jeb: TACKLE HIM!!**

**-Aro, Galby, Jeb, and Eragon tackle the leprechaun-**

**Sasuke: What the Hell**

**Edward: BELLA!! I NEED MY BELLA!!**

**Fang: This is bogus.**

**Sasuke: I am not even going to say anything...**

**Edward: Yeah, me either... BELLA!!**

**-Back to the crazies and the leprechaun-**

**Galby: Hey, Leprechaun! We need your gold!**

**Leprechaun: What are you talkin about? I'm Naruto!!**

**Sasuke: Naruto?! What the Hell? I thought I got rid of you in the beginning of this fanfic!**

**Naruto: Nope! I followed you here! I wanted to make sure my bestest buddy didn't get into trouble! You know, with all the crazy fanfic **

**writers now a days and all **

**Boo: Hey, I take offense from that!**

**Naruto: Yeah yeah yeah, your about to torture me so what do I care?**

**Aro (slaps Naruto): Ha ha ha! The where is the- Ha ha ha! Leprichaun- Ha ha ha! Tell me -Ha ha ha! Or I will Ha ha ha! Kill you! Ha **

**ha ha!**

**Naruto: Umm.. errrrr... There he goes!**

**-Naruto pionts, and, coincidentially, there is a small thing running to hide behind the rainbow-**

**Galby: Get Him!**

**Edward: Rolls eyes.**

**Sasuke: What the Hell? Did you just say "Rolls eyes"?**

**Fang: Ha! See! I am not the only one who says wierd stuff!**

**Murtagh: Actually, yes you are Fang.**

**-Fang rolls his eyes-**

**Jeb: Shut up! Leprechaun! We have tackled you! Where Is your gold?!**

**Leprechaun: What gold? I a friggen dwarf!**

**Eragon: Hey Orik!**

**Orik: WHY THE HELL DID YOU TACKLE ME?!**

**Aro: Ha ha ha! We are looking for a- Ha ha ha! Leprechaun. Wanna- Ha ha ha! Help?! Ha ha ha?!**

**Orik: Sure!**

_Sasuke: I really want to know how they all found eachother._

_Murtagh: I know, right?_

_Edward: BELLA!_

_Sasuke (muttering): Moron human obsessor._

_Fang: Yeah. We're all special and he's going after a puny human!_

_Murtagh: Do I get put in the special catagory?_

_Sasuke: You are the dude with a dragon, yes?_

_Murtagh: Yes._

_Fang: You are so in!_

_Edward: Don't be mean to my Bella!_

_Galby: Look! A lepricon!_

_Aro: Ha ha ha! Where?! Ha ha ha!_

_Eragon: There!_

_-Eragon points at Saphira and Thorn who are convienently located tight next to them.-_

_Murtagh: RUN THORN! RUN!_

_-Galby, Aro, and Eragon throw a GIANT P&C bag over them-_

_Saphira: OH MY CARLISLE! I BAG! I HAVE BEEN DEFEATED!_

_Thorn: This is so totally bogus._

_Edward (Pointing at Eragon.): Your dragon got caught!_

_Eragon: THE POWER OF CARLISLE COMPELLS YOU FOWL BEASTS!_

_-Saskue rolls eyes.-_

_Sasuke: Don't you need that oil stuff people dip bread in?_

_Eragon: Oh yeah. THE POWER OF CARLISLE COMPELLS YOU FOWL BEASTS!_

_-Fang sighs-_

_Fang: Oh crap. Max is gonna kill me._

_Edward: What for? Bella keeps leaving messages comparing herself to angry grizzlies._

_Fang: Max is my leader. When I'm gone she's all, "OMC!"_

_Edward: OMC?_

_Fang: Oh my Carlisle..._

_Edward: Oh. Why does everyone say that? It's so totally bogus!_

_Sasuke: O .o_

_Murtagh: O .o_

_Edward: Hey... Galby and Crew are gone! REJOICE FRIENDS!_

_All: HUZZAH!_

_Murtagh: So what now?_

_Fang: I don't feel like being beat but by Max._

_Sasuke: And Sakura is a stalker. Annoying pink haired brat._

_Edward: What do we boys do that doesn't involve girls?_

_Murtagh: I fly with Thorn._

_Edward: Eragon took him and that other bogus dragon Saphira to study._

_Murtagh: Poor Thorn..._

_Fang: I fly also. That's out though._

_Edward: Then what do we-_

_Sasuke: LET THE ANIME SPEAK!_

_Edward: Fine. What?_

_Sasuke: We drink beer._

_Fang: Beer? I'm only fourteen! Only Murtagh could do it legally and maybe Edward. But us?!_

_Sasuke: What else can we do?_

_Murtagh: I can't belive Edward and I had to flirt with that girls in order to smuggle all of us in._

_Bella: Edward?_

_Alice: OMC! IT'S EDWARD! He drinks?_

_Jasper: Wow. HEY EMMETT! LOOK, IT'S EDWARD!_

_Emmett: He's a vampire! What's he gonna do here? _

_Rosalie: Who are the people with im?_

_Bella: I think it's... Oh my Carlisle! It's Murtagh, Fang, and Sasuke! AKA: THE EMO SQUAD!_

_Rosalie: Awesome..._

_Bella: I CALL DIBBS ON MURTAGH!_

_Murtagh: Whoa! Edward, that's your girl? She's hot!_

_Edward: Grr..._

_Bella: Guess what Murtagh? _

_Murtagh: What?_

_Bella: I've recently realized that dating Edward is so totally bogus and that I love you instead!_

_Murtagh: Sweet! I love you._

_Bella: I love you too._

_-Bella and Murtagh start making out-_

_Edward: NO! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE HAS BETRAYED ME!_

_Alice: The love of your existence, Edward._

_Edward: NO! THE LOVE OF MY EXISTENCE HAS BETRAYED ME!_

**Emmett: Suck it up Edrad!**

**Alice: Did You Just Call Edward Edrad?**

**Emmett: Yeah. I figured it makes sense since he is so rad.**

**Rosalie: You are wrong**

**Sasuke: What the Hell are you talking about?! **

**Cullens minus Edward: Edward being rad**

**Rosalie: Which he could never be because he is an idiot**

**Edrad: Hey! I take offense from that! Bella! COME BACK TO ME!!**

**Fang: Come. On. Why is it always about the vampires? And why are Bella and Murtagh STILL making out?! It's making me sick! **

**Sasuke: Yeah, seriously stop **

**-Murtagh pulls away from Bella-**

**Bella: Awwww Murty Wurtyyy...  
**

**Murtagh: Come on. You guys are being toatally bogus**

**-edrad gets mad. Uh-oh-**

**Edrad: STOP CALLING ME THAT BOO!!**

**Boo: ... OMC! DID YOU JUST CALL ME BOO! HELP ME! AHHHHHH! RUN! EDRAD LIKES ME!!**

**Edward: Thank you. Now... YOU WILL DIE MURTAGH!! I LOVE YOU BELLA!!**

**Bella: You left me Edward. I have moved on.**

**Fang: SCENE CHANGE!! minus Bella, Edward, and Murtagh**

**Sasuke:Yeah, they are pissing me off.**

**Edward & Murtagh: You can't get rid of us. We are part of the emo squad!**

**Bella: Hey Eddy. I thought you loved me!**

**Edward: You left me and so I moved on.**

**Emmett: TO WHO?!**

**Sasuke:Emmett is pissing me of too. Good-bye Emmett.**

**Emmett: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! bleep and emmett is gone**

**Boo & Rosalie: WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!! YOU SHALL DIE SASUKE!!**

**Edward: Ahem**

**All: Sorry**

**Edward: I have moved on to, duh duh duh, LACE!!**

_Lace: You moron!_

_-Bitch slaps Edward-_

_Edward: I have been hurt!_

_L_

_ace (To Boo): And that's the moron who likes me. Hey, Alice?_

_Alice: Yeah?_

_Lace: Can we share Jasper?_

_Alice: You can have him. I'm going to go make out with Edward and then break his heart. Then we can share him._

_Lace: Okay._

_-Lace and Jasper make out and Alice and Edward make out-_

_Rosalie: I feel so alone..._

_-Alice pushes Edward away-_

_Alice: My gawd! You kiss totally bogus! Bella was right to dump you!_

_Edward: NOOOOOO!_

_Lace: Wanna share Jazzypper now?_

_Jasper: Hells no! I only want Lace!_

_Alice: NOOOOOO! I'M STUCK WITH THE BOGUS KISSER EDWARD!_

_Bella: Edrad._

_Edward: Ooh! Looky! Bella!_

_Bella: (screaming): MURTY! SAVE ME!_

_-Murtagh beats up Edward and Bella and him start making out... again...-_

_Sasuke: Why doesn't anyone make out with me randomly?_

_Edward: I will!_

_Sasuke: O .o_

_Alice: Guess what Sasuke?_

_Sasuke: huh?_

_Alice: I don't have pink hair!_

_Sasuke: I love you._

_-Alice and Sasuke start making out-_

_Rosalie: OMC! WHAT ABOUT ME?! __**(Author Note... LACE: I rhymed... Annoying...)**_

_Fang: I'm here. James Patterson bribed me with 500 bucks to love Max but since I just spent it on beer and never really liked her I'll _

_go with the hot blonde chick._

_Rosalie: Aren't you fourteen?_

_Fang: Yeah..._

_Rosalie: Cool! Hot under-aged guy!_

_-INSERT LEMON BETWEEN ROSALIE AND FANG-_

_-Max suddenly appears-_

_Max: FANGY-POO! HOW COULD YOU?! __**(Author Note... LACE: I rhymed again. Oh my Carlisle...)**_

_Fang: Um... It's not what you think?_

_James Patterson: FANG! REMEMBER THE 500!_

_Max: What?_

_James Patterson: Uh..._

_-James Patterson runs away and is no more-_

_Fang: Go love Iggy._

_Max: Iggy is with some girl named Jessi._

_Fang: Who the frick is that?!_

_Max: I don't know..._

_Fang: I know! Go love Eragon!_

_Max: He's stalking Arya._

_Fang: ...That really hot girl who can totally kick ass?_

_Max: Yup. The very one._

_Fang: Bye Rosalie._

_-Max and Fang disappear-_

_Rosalie: I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL! _

_-Lace looks up where she's having a TOTAL lemon with Jasper-_

_Lace: Why not go find Emmett?_

_Rosalie: He's gone._

_Lace: Come on Jazzy! We'll go find Emmy!_

_Jasper: Okay then._

_-5 seconds later-_

_Lace: I FOUND HIM!_

_Rosalie: Emmy-poo! Where were you! (Author Note... LACE! Rhymes...)_

_Emmett: Um... Kentucky?_

_Jasper: He was seeing what everything in the grocery store tasted like. We found him puking his guts out._

_Lace: But he's become obsessed with Snickers bars._

_Emmett: Caramal filling..._

_Rosalie: I don't really care. EMMETT!_

_Emmett: SINCKERS!_

_Rosalie: What?_

_Lace: I told you he was obsessed with Snickers._

_Rosalie: DON'T WORRY EMMY-POO! I'LL GET YOU THERAPY!_

_Emmett: Whatever you say Snickers..._

**Rosalie: ... NO! HE CALLED ME A PEANUT-FILLED CHOCLATE BAR! (a/n: Boo: Ewwwww... That sounds REALLY wrong... I **

**cannot believe I would be so perverted as to write it...) HE IS BEYOND HELP! **

**Alice: xlaughsx That sounded really wrong Rosalie... **

**Emmett: The snickers bar has already left... Emmett is lonely... **

**Boo: Don't Worry Emmett! You Still have me! **

**Emmett: OK! I hereby rename you... DUH DUH DUH- **

**Boo: Wait, your not going to name me snickers 2 are you? **

**Emmett: No! **

**Alice: Actually, yeah, he probably will. **

**Emmett: No I shall not! I hereby dub thee, DUH DUH DUH! Skittles! **

**Boo: YAY SKITTLES! YAY EMY-POO! Wait, I thought you were obsessed with snickers... **

**Emmett: Nope, now I like skittles, but that is besides the piont. **

**-Two Seconds later- **

**Emmett: Rosalie would have never let me get away with that! LET'S SING THE HAPPY DAGGER SONG! **

**Boo & Emmett: I'm a happy happy dagger! Yes a happy happy dagger! Such a happy happy dagger! **

**-Lace & Jasper stopped making out to stare at Emmett and Boo- **

**-Two Hours Later- **

**Boo: Okay, I'm done **

**Emmett: Yeah, me too. LET'S GO FIND RANDOM HAPPY SONGS THEN MAKE OUT!! **

**Boo:Good idea! And we are off! **

**Alice: Whoa. **

**Jasper: O .o **

**Lace: HAPPY JOYFULNESS! **

**Sasuke: What the hell... **

**-everybody goes back to what they were doing xcough coughx making out xcough coughx-**

**Edrad: Yeah! Boo's Not Even here and somehow I still end up getting called Edrad!! **

**-Boo runs back all speedy and what not with Emmett following all turtle like and what not- **

**Boo: HOLY SHIT! EDRAD STILL LIKES ME! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! EMMY-POO! HEEEELLP ME!! **

**Lace: NO wait a second Emmett! You know what I just noticed Boo? **

**Boo: What? **

**Lace: Lace is a very mature name and Boo is very juvinile. **

**Boo: Nuh-uh! **

**Lace: Admit it. your name is just childish. **

**Boo: Yeah, Well, NO! **

**Lace: Ha! See! There I have won! **

**Boo: Not if I call you Doily instead! **

**Lace: you wouldn't do that! **

**Boo: Yeah I wou- **

**Sasuke: What the Hell?! You guys are the friggen authors! You CANNOT be in a fic! That is breaking all of the trust book **

**characters and fanfic writers have established! Not that that's alot, But Still! I think we should get 'em outta this fanfic! **

**Murty Wurty: Yeah, I agree. All you agree say AGREE!! **

**All including Rosalie (who came back because she was really the one who needed therapy and got some and was ALL better now) but **

**Jasper & Emmett: AGREE!! **

**Jasper & Emmett: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! **

**Emmett: Boo! **

**Jasper: Lace! **

**-xBleepx Boo and Lace are now gone but not really cause then you wouldn't be reading this because there would be no one to post it unless some one else posted it for Lace and Boo but then it would stop there so obviously they are still alive but do not let anyone in the fic know that. It would totally mess this thingy up-**

_Jasper: NO! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! _

_Alice: Existense. _

_Jasper: NO! THE LOVE OF MY EXISTENSE! _

_Alice: Better... _

_Emmett: I. Am. So. Going. To. Kill. You. Guys. _

_Jasper: EMMETT! ATTACK! _

_Jasper and Emmett start beating up Sasuke who is beaten to a pulp. _

_Alice: NO! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS GONE! _

_Jasper: Existense. _

_Alice: I DON'T CARE! _

_Jasper: Well it was your boyfriend who lead away my love. _

_Alice: Yeah? Well... SHE WAS BEING ANNOYING! _

_Jasper: HOW COULD SHE HAVE BEEN?! WE WERE MAKING OUT THE WHOLE TIME! _

_Alice: Shut up! Just shut up! _

_Emmett: I miss Skittles... _

_Rosalie tosses a bag of Skittles to Emmett and he starts making out with them _

_Emmett: IT'S NOT THE SAME! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! _

_Jasper: LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE! _

_Both: COME BACK! _

_-crack of lightning and Lace and Boo appear- _

_Alice: Shit. _

_Boo: Hey! Rude! _

_Lace: Oh Jazzyper! I've returned! _

_Jasper: Oh yay! Let's go skip off into the sunset together holding hands! _

_Lace: Let's do! _

_-Jasper and skip off into the sunset holding hands and a distant voice is heard- _

_Jasper: OWWWWW! THE SUN! IT BUUUUUUURNS! _

_Lace: NO! MY LOVE! THE FIRE OF OUR LOVE HAS KILLED YOU! BUT DON'T WORRY! I'M GONNA PULL AN EDWARD AND GO _

_TO THE VOLTURRI! _

_Edward: Hey! _

_Boo: Well it is true... _

_Rosalie: Because I am feeling very sentimental today, I am going with Lace to pull an Edward because I miss my fake brother. _

_Alice: JASPER WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE FOR 100 YEARS! WAIT UP! _

_Alice runs after Rosalie and Lace to pull an Edward _

_Boo: Wait! Laaaaaaaace! I wanna come! _

_-Boo runs off- _

_Emmett: SKITTLES?! COME BACK TO ME! _

_-Emmett runs off- _

_Murtagh: Hey Edrad? _

_Edward: STOP CALLING ME THAT! _

_Murtagh blows up _

_Edward: Coolio! A new power! _

_Bella: No! My love! _

_Bella bitch slaps Edward _

_Edward: Oww... _

_Bella runs off to the Volturri _

_Edward: Gosh darn it... Ah well. Off to Italy! HEY GUYS! WAIT UP! _

_-Scene change to Iggy- _

_Iggy: And we're the ones left standing. Weird! _

_Jessi: Wanna go blow up the people we don't like from a short distance away? _

_Iggy: Sure! _

_-Scene change to a grassy meadow wher Galby, Eragon, Naruto, Jeb, and Aro are poking Saphira and Thorn- _

_-Iggy runs out with a bomb holding hands with Jessi- _

_Iggy: DIE! _

_Jessi: Yeah! DIE! _

_-Iggy trips and Jessi trips over him, the bomb blows up and they are all no more-  
_

_-Scene change to Fang and Max flying over a hunting range- _

_BOOM! _

_Fang: Holy shit! There's a freakin' hole in me! _

_BOOM! _

_Max: OMFC! WTF! _

_Fang:?? _

_both look at eachother and start to free fall _

_Both: SAVE ME CARLISLE! _

_-nothing happens- _

_Fang: He sucks as a ruler. _

_-Scene change to Arya- _

_Arya: GRANDMAMA! I'M COMING TO SAVE YOU! (Insert magic words here) _

_Narrator: Sadly, she never regained conciousness... _

_-Scene change to Sakura- _

_Sakura: Sasuke? Hello? I LOVE YOU! Come out..._

_-Sakura goes to Volturra to pull an Edward-_

_END!!_


	8. 13 Ways to Annoy Edward

**Disclaimer: I have decided to cooperate this time. I don't own Twilight, Or Edward. Just these 12 ways to annoy him.**

**A/N: Yeah, Cooperating is not my thing... But anyway, I wrote this months ago and I thought it was about time to post it!**

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

**13 Ways To Annoy Edward**

1) Constantly pass him notedwritten backwards

2) Every five seconds, ask if he can read it

3) Ask him to turn your pet fish, Phillip (or Phillis, depending on its gender) into a vampire

4) When he says no, tell him now you know why Bella's only in it for the sex

5) Everytime Bella walks into the room when you and Edward are sitting there alone, tell Edward he's a good kisser and act embarrased

when you see Bella

6) Every time he talkes to you, starts singing your own versions of songs such as "girlfirend" and "My humps"

7) Constantly ask him if he's emo

8) When he says no just tell him that he just confirmed that he is suicidal

9) When he asks for an explanation tell him A) He went to the Volturri to kill himself and B) He said no to you and no one has survived

that before...

10) Ask him what he wants for dinner

11) When he doesn'y say anything, asume he's thinking you and dance around singing your a vampire so he can't

12) When he tells you that wasn't what he was thinking, tell him yes it was and you know because you can read minds

13) Whe he says that you cant and he's the one who can, keep insisting that you can, and when he stops, say hs part for him until

somebody tells you to stop. Unless it is Edward himself. Or Bella, because not listening to her would annoy Edward even more...

**o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o**

**I am boo182, saying that that was pretty weird! I like it though, for I have no chioce since I wrote it. Although this one time I wrote a prolouge for a boo thingy I was writing casue at that time I wanted to be an author, and it came out pretty gay... It was repetitive.. I kept on saying things like how much the city SUCKED!! Yeah, but you probably don't care. If you review I'll send it to you... If I can find it first...**


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